Hagrid loves Malfoy
by xxBEjrtnfTHxx
Summary: Hagrid notices Malfoy teasing Harry and Dumbledore about their gay relationship and instantly falls in love. Really random, includes Hannah Montana because we hate her one-shot Hagrid/Malfoy R&R is appreciated


**A/N: Well here it is! This has actually been finished for a while but I've been way too busy to type it up, BUT i finally found time in my busy schedule to post it. 8D Hope you all like this one it's pretty random...**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except the storyline **

**Hagrid****loves****Malfoy**

Hagrid was looking out the window of his hut, when he saw Malfoy. He was picking on Harry Potter, pushing and teasing him about his relationship with Dumbledore.

Hagrid sighed and listened to Malfoy's beautiful voice, for he was singing, "Harry and Dumbledore sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

Dumbledore came running to Harry in slow motion.

"HAARRYY!!" he screamed.

As Dumbledore was running a rock fell from the sky and landed right in front of Dumbledore's feet. Dumbledore tripped over the rock and fell flat on his face. Malfoy and his gang burst out laughing and two guys grabbed Dumbledore and yanked him away from Harry. Two more guys did the same to Harry.

"NOO! HARRY!" Dumbledore cried, reaching out to Harry.

"NOO! BUMBLEBEE!" Harry cried back, reaching to Dumbledore.

Malfoy laughed more, then Harry muttered a spell and Malfoy flew backwards and hit a tree and fell unconscious.

oOoOo XxXxXxXxX oOoOo

Malfoy woke to find himself lying in a strange bed. He looked around and uttered a cry of shock. There were pictures of him plastered all over the walls.

"Wha-wha-ba-ka-va-sar-laaa!" he stuttered.

Malfoy gasped as Hagrid burst through the door, holding a tray and wearing a Hannah Montana apron.

"How are ye feeling me love?" Hagrid asked worriedly.

"What's going on? Where am I?" Malfoy asked, panicking.

Hagrid set the tray down and walked over to Malfoy, sitting down on the side of the bed. Malfoy wriggled away as Hagrid brushed his hair behind his ears.

"Hush now, me CUPCAKE-ANATOR!" Hagrid cried, and ripped off his fake skin to reveal cat in the hat.

"Do you love making cupcakes but hate all the hard cupcake work?" Cat in the Hat asked in a thick English accent. Malfoy nodded, remembering the first time he made cupcakes.

*FLASHBACK*

Malfoy was making cupcakes out of sugar, spice and everything nice. These were the ingredients to create the perfect little cupcakes, but he accidently dropped in **CHEMICAL X**! Suddenly the cupcakes exploded and knocked him to the ground. When he looked up, three little girls were floating in front of him holding hands.

And the Powerpuff girls were born!

*END OF FLASHBACK*

Malfoy shuddered at the memory and went back to concentrating on what Cat in the Hat was saying.

"Well forget everything you know about making cupcakes, and say hello to the amazing CUPCAKE-ANATOR!"

Hagrid popped out of the broom cupboard and fell onto the floor, tied up with thick rope.

"CURCAKE-A-WHAT?" Hagrid shouted.

"CUPCAKE-A-NATOR!" Cat in the hat cried.

"Why are you here?" Malfoy asked.

"I'm not. It's all a dreeeeaaam." Cat in the hat replied, waving his arms in front of him in a spooky manner, and vanishing into thin air with a soft _poof! _All that was left of him was red and white striped smoke. Malfoy walked over to Hagrid and gently untied the ropes.

"There we go" Malfoy muttered softly.

They stared into each other's eyes for a long tender moment.

Suddenly, Voldemort burst through the door wearing a pink frilly dress with flowers on it. He was followed closely by Hannah Montana.

They were both carrying shopping bags filled with Prada and Gucci merchandise.

"Hey, hey, hey!" They squealed, joining Hagrid and Malfoy at the table.

'Have a look at what I bought." Said Voldemort in a gay man's voice, reaching into his bag and pulling out a long blonde wig and putting it on.

"Oh, we got this too!" Hannah exclaimed, taking out a CD from a shopping bag.

"It's Barbie!" she said excitedly, slipping the CD into the CD player and pressing play.

"_I'm a Barbie girl! In a Barbie world! Life in plastic-" _the voice on the CD sang. Hagrid went over to his cupboard and brought out a dozen nail varnishes all different shades of pink. Everyone started painting their nails and gossiping.

"Ooh, did you guys know, Lucious _dyes_ his hair?!" Voldie cried, jumping up and down and clapping his hands.

"_No!" _Hagrid shouted in disbelief.

"OMG!!" Hannah yelled, giggling.

"I've got the most AMAAAZING idea!! Let's have a picnic!" a bug on the table said. Everyone's eyes dropped to the bug and they stared at it for a long time. After about 5 minutes of an awkward silence, Voldie spoke.

"That _is _the most AMAAAZING idea!!"

So they all got ready and went outside to choose a good spot for a picnic.

Once they found one, they laid down their blanket and got comfy.

Hannah looked around and spotted Harry and Dumbledore going for a walk. Dumbledore was wearing an old fashioned pink frilly dress and was carrying a matching umbrella which was shielding him from the sun. Harry was dressed in a baby blue tuxedo and was wearing a monoglass and and carrying a walking stick. Dumbledore was pushing a pram with his feet.

Voldie jumped to his feet and cat-walked over to Hary and Dumbledore and began mocking them.

"Ooh, look over there! Voldie's mocking Harry and Dumbleore!" Hannah squealed.

"Where?" Hagrid asked, rolling over to get a better look. Unfortunately he rolled over onto Hannah, who got squished to death.

Meanwhile, over where Harry and Dumbledore were...

"I say! He's mocking us, sugarplum!" Harry cried in a posh accent.

"OH OH SPAGETTI-OH!" Dumbledore screamed.

Dumbledore and Harry looked at each other with a mixture of fear, love and passion for each other, then they turned and hissed at Voldie, took a picture with a digital camera and hopped into the pram and rode up the hill.

oOoOo XxXxXxXxX oOoOo

Hagrid and Malfoy were lying on their backs looking up at the clouds.

"Look, that one looks like a pair of pliers!" Malfoy announced, pointing at one of the clouds.

Suddenly the song _Superhuman _by Chris Brown started playing, and Hagrid and Malfoy floated up into the sky. Hagrid was poofed into a long white frock, and Malfoy as poofed into a gorilla suit.

"What the-?" Malfoy cried, looking down at his outfit.

"No matter what you're wearing, you'll always be beautiful to me." Hagrid told him. Malfoy smiled as a warm feeling built up inside of him.

Hagrid and Malfoy begain singing as they floated up into space at superhuman speed.

THE END


End file.
